It's over I didn't want to see it come to this
I wonder if I will ever see your face again
And I know that I will find a way to shed my skin
It's simple I know that I will suffer in the end
Fast I fade away
It's almost over
Hold on
Slow I suffocate
I'm cold and broken
Alone
It's hopeless, the end will come and wash it all away
Forsaken, I live for those I lost along the way
And I can't remember how it all began to break
You suffer, I live to fight and die another day
Fast I fade away
It's almost over
Hold on
Slow I suffocate
I'm cold and broken
Alone
Fast I fade away
It's almost over
Hold on
Slow I suffocate
I'm cold and broken
Alone
I'm cold and broken
............
...........
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
Breaking Benjamin - Fade Away
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The Threat; Chapter One
I was falling again. The wind rushed past my face as I fell through an endless sea of clouds. I continued to descend and my heart skipped a beat when the clouds parted to reveal concrete below me. I tried to scream, but no sound escaped my mouth. I held my hand up to shield my face as I collided with the pavement.
I shot awake as if zapped by an electric current. My heart still racing, I let my eyes adjust to the dimly lit bedroom at my parent’s house, barely illuminated by the streetlights outside. Just a dream, I thought; the same one I’d been having all week. You would think I’d be used to dying in my sleep by now, I muttered to myself, recalling the past 5 nights. I blindly reached for my cell to check the time. It read 4am and I groaned as I fell back against my pillow hoping sleep would overcome me again, but somehow knowing it wouldn’t. Staying awake seemed less frustrating than trying to sleep, so I fumbled for my glasses and stared up at the ceiling, trying to decipher my reoccurring dream. My phone beeped at me, signaling it was low on battery so I got out of bed and walked to the plug near my window to charge it. I stood up and stretched before leaning against the window sill. I adjusted my blinds and peered at the dark and quiet houses outside. Just another typical night in my safe, typical little city, I thought. Fremont was, in fact a safe city. My family knew some of the neighbors, but I don’t think any of us were particularly close to one another. The only trouble that I could remember in my 22 years of living in this house involved a few attempted break-ins four streets down and an exploded water heater several streets past that. It was an average city filled with way too many people leading average everyday lives. I sighed and began thinking about what I could do to start my day. Just then, a garage door was manually thrown up from across the street and two people rushed out, closely followed by a third. The man and the woman were Mr. and Mrs. Sherman, a married couple somewhere in their late 40’s. My parents had briefly attended a huge graduation party that they had thrown the previous day. My parents said it was for their son who had recently completed high school. I only knew that he had been the quarterback for the school’s football team. Apparently he was some big-shot with a long list of achievements for a kid his age and his parents were huge supporters of the school. The husband and wife were each carrying a large piece of luggage and they seemed to be in a huge rush to get into their station wagon. Mr. Sherman reached the driver’s door and fumbled to find the correct key. The third person was staggering after them down the driveway, as if he was injured and judging by his size, it looked like the couple’s son, Marc. As Mrs. Sherman was struggling to get the large suitcase in the back seat, Marc ran into her, knocking her to the ground. She let out a terrified scream as her son fell on top of her and sank his teeth deep into her forearm. My eyes got wide and I blinked several times to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming. I realized I was awake and Mrs. Sherman shrieked again as she shoved her attacker off of her. He rolled down the long stretch of pavement, groaning in pain as he came to a stop in the gutter. Even in the dark, I could see Mrs. Sherman clutching her bleeding wound in an attempt to stop the blood. Mr. Sherman had found the right key and opened the passenger door from the inside so his wife could scramble in, still covering her wound. Mr. Sherman started the car and stepped on the gas. In the next instant, he swerved to the right unexpectedly when Mrs. Sherman lunged at her husband and bit him on his neck. Mr. Sherman lost control of the car, but slammed on the gas and crashed headlong into the large tree in our front yard. The crash echoed down the empty street and sent bits of wood and glass up against the house. Mrs. Sherman was propelled through the front windshield and Mr. Sherman, having remembered his seatbelt, was thrown into the dashboard, adding a bad laceration on his forehead to his current injury. I spotted movement and saw Marc get to his feet and lurch towards the wreckage, one arm slightly outstretched as if he could reach out and touch the car already. A horrible thought sparked in my head and my jaw dropped slightly at my ghastly realization. I heard the shuffling sound of blankets and sheets from down the hall, and I threw open my door and ran for my parents room.
I shot awake as if zapped by an electric current. My heart still racing, I let my eyes adjust to the dimly lit bedroom at my parent’s house, barely illuminated by the streetlights outside. Just a dream, I thought; the same one I’d been having all week. You would think I’d be used to dying in my sleep by now, I muttered to myself, recalling the past 5 nights. I blindly reached for my cell to check the time. It read 4am and I groaned as I fell back against my pillow hoping sleep would overcome me again, but somehow knowing it wouldn’t. Staying awake seemed less frustrating than trying to sleep, so I fumbled for my glasses and stared up at the ceiling, trying to decipher my reoccurring dream. My phone beeped at me, signaling it was low on battery so I got out of bed and walked to the plug near my window to charge it. I stood up and stretched before leaning against the window sill. I adjusted my blinds and peered at the dark and quiet houses outside. Just another typical night in my safe, typical little city, I thought. Fremont was, in fact a safe city. My family knew some of the neighbors, but I don’t think any of us were particularly close to one another. The only trouble that I could remember in my 22 years of living in this house involved a few attempted break-ins four streets down and an exploded water heater several streets past that. It was an average city filled with way too many people leading average everyday lives. I sighed and began thinking about what I could do to start my day. Just then, a garage door was manually thrown up from across the street and two people rushed out, closely followed by a third. The man and the woman were Mr. and Mrs. Sherman, a married couple somewhere in their late 40’s. My parents had briefly attended a huge graduation party that they had thrown the previous day. My parents said it was for their son who had recently completed high school. I only knew that he had been the quarterback for the school’s football team. Apparently he was some big-shot with a long list of achievements for a kid his age and his parents were huge supporters of the school. The husband and wife were each carrying a large piece of luggage and they seemed to be in a huge rush to get into their station wagon. Mr. Sherman reached the driver’s door and fumbled to find the correct key. The third person was staggering after them down the driveway, as if he was injured and judging by his size, it looked like the couple’s son, Marc. As Mrs. Sherman was struggling to get the large suitcase in the back seat, Marc ran into her, knocking her to the ground. She let out a terrified scream as her son fell on top of her and sank his teeth deep into her forearm. My eyes got wide and I blinked several times to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming. I realized I was awake and Mrs. Sherman shrieked again as she shoved her attacker off of her. He rolled down the long stretch of pavement, groaning in pain as he came to a stop in the gutter. Even in the dark, I could see Mrs. Sherman clutching her bleeding wound in an attempt to stop the blood. Mr. Sherman had found the right key and opened the passenger door from the inside so his wife could scramble in, still covering her wound. Mr. Sherman started the car and stepped on the gas. In the next instant, he swerved to the right unexpectedly when Mrs. Sherman lunged at her husband and bit him on his neck. Mr. Sherman lost control of the car, but slammed on the gas and crashed headlong into the large tree in our front yard. The crash echoed down the empty street and sent bits of wood and glass up against the house. Mrs. Sherman was propelled through the front windshield and Mr. Sherman, having remembered his seatbelt, was thrown into the dashboard, adding a bad laceration on his forehead to his current injury. I spotted movement and saw Marc get to his feet and lurch towards the wreckage, one arm slightly outstretched as if he could reach out and touch the car already. A horrible thought sparked in my head and my jaw dropped slightly at my ghastly realization. I heard the shuffling sound of blankets and sheets from down the hall, and I threw open my door and ran for my parents room.
Monday, May 23, 2011
If I Fail....
Time to go, "This is goodbye"
She said "Does it ever get easier to live like this"
And kiss the cheek
For I can't kiss you anymore
And I, I would honestly love you now
But I would lovingly let you down
Oh I have the hardest time resisting you
And oh if you
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know
We can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
I could put my trust in giving up the heart
It makes the difference
And how can you afford to settle down
When I, I would promise to love you now
But I would lovingly let you down
Oh I have the hardest time resisting you
And oh if you
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know, we can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
(It's better than silence)
(Give me one good reason)
It's better than silence (you know)
Give me one good reason (you know)
To leave this in silence (you know)
No, you don't have a good reason (you know)
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know, we can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
It's better than silence
It's better than silence
[ Lyrics by Cartel ]
Enough emo stuff, (pfft feelings) on to more important things:
Current Addictions:
- Power Girl (an awesome DC super heroine with a great set... of personality traits and powers)
- Cartel, Breaking Benjamin, New Found Glory, The Academy Is... Anything that rocks as hard as this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snr8unKGybw&feature=related
- Legends of Zelda: Link to the Pas- Uh, I mean 3D Dot Game Heroes on the PS3
(Currently trying to finish up some PS3 games, not just because my 360 sucks like a vacuum, but because I've decided that I'm unsatisfied with my current PS3 collection and it needs to be sorted for Trade in possibilities) Current Trade In List includes: Brink, Killzone 2, (soon to be 3D Dot Game Heroes), Prototype, Singularity, Tony Hawk RIDE.
Reasons why:
Brink - It was brilliantly advertised and presented in such an irresistible way (Mirror's Edge parkour/free running + First Person Shooter + Class Based + Squad Tactics + Leveling up/Lots of Customizing and Unlockables) The only problem was the execution. The AI is dumber than a box of hair (Gamers can compare it to Left 4 Dead 1 and/or Dead Rising Survivor AI) and their capacity to ACTUALLY help you Complete/Defend main objectives is lower than low. The Parkour/Free running feels choppy and seems like the equivalent of sprinkling glitter on a crappy 1st grade art project; it only makes the game appear slightly better than it is.
Killzone 2 - I really tried to get into it, but as I progressed through this popular game (Shooter of the Year 2009 and winner of many more awards) I found it to be clunky, inconsistent and awkward. The story seemed interesting enough; fighting against a 'Nazi' Regime.... Its been done before in video games, but I like the Helghast (baddies) armor/gasmasks/outfits. I cant help but compare both of these shooters to Halo and the Call of Duty Series (Specifically Halo Reach and Modern Warfare 2/World At War). These games fail to play in the smooth manner that Halo and CoD manage to achieve.
3D Dot Game Heroes - Its a single player, rebooted, repackaged, clever re-imagining of Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (LoZ:LttP for you hip gamers). Replay value is low in my opinion; I feel no need to collect all 30-ish weapons and all the Heart Containers/Magic Bottles.
Prototype - Difficulty during Combat is insane; not challenging, just frustrating. It starts getting super hard halfway through and it persists. I haven't finished the game, and I don't intend to. Gliding/Air Dashing/Running up the Empire State Building in about 2.5 seconds never gets old though.
Singularity - I played through both story lines (2 different endings) and I dont really feel like I accomplished much. I also dont feel inspired or drawn to the multiplayer. Meh
Tony Hawk RIDE - It was fun for a while, but I feel like playing less as time goes on. Its actually a really good balance workout though :P
So, with one Final to go I feel like this semester has been successful enough. I know there were times when i should have tried harder, yet didnt, for whatever reason. But I think I will come out with fairly decent grades in my last real semester.
Im taking a summer class and it just may be the death of me and my beloved free time. But after that, I have 2 important classes (+ a bunch of PE classes to fill up the schedule) next semester, then I'm out of here. Then i begin my life doing god knows what....
Til next time.
She said "Does it ever get easier to live like this"
And kiss the cheek
For I can't kiss you anymore
And I, I would honestly love you now
But I would lovingly let you down
Oh I have the hardest time resisting you
And oh if you
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know
We can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
I could put my trust in giving up the heart
It makes the difference
And how can you afford to settle down
When I, I would promise to love you now
But I would lovingly let you down
Oh I have the hardest time resisting you
And oh if you
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know, we can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
(It's better than silence)
(Give me one good reason)
It's better than silence (you know)
Give me one good reason (you know)
To leave this in silence (you know)
No, you don't have a good reason (you know)
If you feel the same way then how can we be friends
He's right you know, we can't go on like this
And oh I try to give you everything
And if I fail well then I failed
But at least I gave you something
It's better than silence
It's better than silence
[ Lyrics by Cartel ]
Enough emo stuff, (pfft feelings) on to more important things:
Current Addictions:
- Power Girl (an awesome DC super heroine with a great set... of personality traits and powers)
- Cartel, Breaking Benjamin, New Found Glory, The Academy Is... Anything that rocks as hard as this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snr8unKGybw&feature=related
- Legends of Zelda: Link to the Pas- Uh, I mean 3D Dot Game Heroes on the PS3
(Currently trying to finish up some PS3 games, not just because my 360 sucks like a vacuum, but because I've decided that I'm unsatisfied with my current PS3 collection and it needs to be sorted for Trade in possibilities) Current Trade In List includes: Brink, Killzone 2, (soon to be 3D Dot Game Heroes), Prototype, Singularity, Tony Hawk RIDE.
Reasons why:
Brink - It was brilliantly advertised and presented in such an irresistible way (Mirror's Edge parkour/free running + First Person Shooter + Class Based + Squad Tactics + Leveling up/Lots of Customizing and Unlockables) The only problem was the execution. The AI is dumber than a box of hair (Gamers can compare it to Left 4 Dead 1 and/or Dead Rising Survivor AI) and their capacity to ACTUALLY help you Complete/Defend main objectives is lower than low. The Parkour/Free running feels choppy and seems like the equivalent of sprinkling glitter on a crappy 1st grade art project; it only makes the game appear slightly better than it is.
Killzone 2 - I really tried to get into it, but as I progressed through this popular game (Shooter of the Year 2009 and winner of many more awards) I found it to be clunky, inconsistent and awkward. The story seemed interesting enough; fighting against a 'Nazi' Regime.... Its been done before in video games, but I like the Helghast (baddies) armor/gasmasks/outfits. I cant help but compare both of these shooters to Halo and the Call of Duty Series (Specifically Halo Reach and Modern Warfare 2/World At War). These games fail to play in the smooth manner that Halo and CoD manage to achieve.
3D Dot Game Heroes - Its a single player, rebooted, repackaged, clever re-imagining of Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (LoZ:LttP for you hip gamers). Replay value is low in my opinion; I feel no need to collect all 30-ish weapons and all the Heart Containers/Magic Bottles.
Prototype - Difficulty during Combat is insane; not challenging, just frustrating. It starts getting super hard halfway through and it persists. I haven't finished the game, and I don't intend to. Gliding/Air Dashing/Running up the Empire State Building in about 2.5 seconds never gets old though.
Singularity - I played through both story lines (2 different endings) and I dont really feel like I accomplished much. I also dont feel inspired or drawn to the multiplayer. Meh
Tony Hawk RIDE - It was fun for a while, but I feel like playing less as time goes on. Its actually a really good balance workout though :P
So, with one Final to go I feel like this semester has been successful enough. I know there were times when i should have tried harder, yet didnt, for whatever reason. But I think I will come out with fairly decent grades in my last real semester.
Im taking a summer class and it just may be the death of me and my beloved free time. But after that, I have 2 important classes (+ a bunch of PE classes to fill up the schedule) next semester, then I'm out of here. Then i begin my life doing god knows what....
Til next time.
Friday, May 20, 2011
[ Untitled ]
Aside from wanting to punch my 360 in its internal core processors and dealing with (surprisingly minimal) Final related stress, on top of my other current stressors, I suppose my life is relatively okay for the time being.
Things I'm excited about: Fanime, My sister turning 21, Green Lantern/Capt America movie, bleaching my hair (and then coloring it bright [pokeball] red), talking with new/old exciting friends and potentially visiting said friends aaaaand... oh, thats it really.
Things that will take some adjusting to: Not having a legit summer break [Summer school, starting June 6th], my continued acceptance that my favorite system will fail me hardcore on the best of days, the truth that graduation is coming (for the better and worse) and learning to effectively deal with the changes life throws my way within the next few months.
Enough stuff about my boring schedule... Let's talk about Pirates. (no spoilers, just opinions)
Pirates 4 was a good movie. Maybe not worth the cost of the $12 online ticket, but it was fun to spend the night out late with friends. In my opinion, PotC 4 was better than 2 and 3, mostly due to less 'silly' humor and antics, and more cleverly placed subtle humor. All of these movies are good, make no mistake in my criticism, but I think that Number One and Number Four were the best in the franchise so far.
That being said... It was a fun movie, fun night.
"I want something else to get me through this,
semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,"
I need a change...
Things I'm excited about: Fanime, My sister turning 21, Green Lantern/Capt America movie, bleaching my hair (and then coloring it bright [pokeball] red), talking with new/old exciting friends and potentially visiting said friends aaaaand... oh, thats it really.
Things that will take some adjusting to: Not having a legit summer break [Summer school, starting June 6th], my continued acceptance that my favorite system will fail me hardcore on the best of days, the truth that graduation is coming (for the better and worse) and learning to effectively deal with the changes life throws my way within the next few months.
Enough stuff about my boring schedule... Let's talk about Pirates. (no spoilers, just opinions)
Pirates 4 was a good movie. Maybe not worth the cost of the $12 online ticket, but it was fun to spend the night out late with friends. In my opinion, PotC 4 was better than 2 and 3, mostly due to less 'silly' humor and antics, and more cleverly placed subtle humor. All of these movies are good, make no mistake in my criticism, but I think that Number One and Number Four were the best in the franchise so far.
That being said... It was a fun movie, fun night.
"I want something else to get me through this,
semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,"
I need a change...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
...you
Its beyond my control.
Just out of my reach; like
Its infectious, this idea of
I'm just wanting, wishing, hoping for
to see how it could be.
Compulsive thoughts take hold.
I repress them, yet
possess something beyond measure;
a beauty, a curse, something
cannot hide.
Torturous when
invade my mind.
Addictive; I want to see
more and more but fear nothing shall result.
It's depressing,
Frustrating,
Defeating, that
are held just beyond my grasp.
So here I remain if
find the events in the present are not a good match for
I'll wait, continue this lonely path,
Hoping that
wont find trivial conversation to be bothersome,
Hoping I don't stumble on my words or appear any less of all that I am.
The only pain I endure from waiting is what I get for smiling too much when I think of
As meaningless as it seems, it means everything to me.
My continued frustration and sadness is the result of waiting for
to bring about a day that may never come.
Just out of my reach; like
Its infectious, this idea of
I'm just wanting, wishing, hoping for
to see how it could be.
Compulsive thoughts take hold.
I repress them, yet
possess something beyond measure;
a beauty, a curse, something
cannot hide.
Torturous when
invade my mind.
Addictive; I want to see
more and more but fear nothing shall result.
It's depressing,
Frustrating,
Defeating, that
are held just beyond my grasp.
So here I remain if
find the events in the present are not a good match for
I'll wait, continue this lonely path,
Hoping that
wont find trivial conversation to be bothersome,
Hoping I don't stumble on my words or appear any less of all that I am.
The only pain I endure from waiting is what I get for smiling too much when I think of
As meaningless as it seems, it means everything to me.
My continued frustration and sadness is the result of waiting for
to bring about a day that may never come.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Yes, I do.... All the time....
I opened my eyes
last night and saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the planes that aren't there anymore
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold
Like an introvert, I drew my over shirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently before
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Running into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound
To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room
Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time
Can you believe that the crew has gone and wouldn't let me sign on?
All my islands have sunk in the deep, so I can hardly relax or even oversleep
I feel as if I were home some nights when we count all the ship lights
I guess I'll never know why sparrows love the snow
We'll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow
-The Saltwater Room by Owl City
last night and saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the planes that aren't there anymore
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold
Like an introvert, I drew my over shirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently before
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Running into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound
To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room
Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time
Can you believe that the crew has gone and wouldn't let me sign on?
All my islands have sunk in the deep, so I can hardly relax or even oversleep
I feel as if I were home some nights when we count all the ship lights
I guess I'll never know why sparrows love the snow
We'll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow
-The Saltwater Room by Owl City
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Honesty War... Round 1... FIGHT!
Staring at the ceiling till my eyes cross and fall out of focus
in a blur I stir up thought of phone cords
how did we let them choke us?
It's all a game, but I don't play games anymore.
Ever get the feeling like you're losing control?
I forget the last time I called you and you were home
but that's ok, I'll just catch up with you another time
You're the last thing left that really felt like home to me
so I wave goodbye to my home for the last time
-chorus-
What are you holding on to?
You seem indifferent. so removed you're distant
and I'm not trying to hold you back.
I'm just left wishing, maybe you'd be consistent with me
and honestly you'd tell me
you'd tell me outright
tell me outright.
Yeah honestly you'd tell me if you wanted out right?
'cause it seems that way to me
-verse 2-
I'm at the front lines of heart versus mind
and I'm at war with what's best left behind
left behind
You're the last thing left that really feels like home to me
so I wave goodbye to my home for the last time
-chorus-
-bridge-
What are you holding on to?
oh, oh, oh, oh
Standing at the front lines
What are you holding on to?
oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm on the front lines
-chorus-
MUGSHOT - "Heart vs Mind"
in a blur I stir up thought of phone cords
how did we let them choke us?
It's all a game, but I don't play games anymore.
Ever get the feeling like you're losing control?
I forget the last time I called you and you were home
but that's ok, I'll just catch up with you another time
You're the last thing left that really felt like home to me
so I wave goodbye to my home for the last time
-chorus-
What are you holding on to?
You seem indifferent. so removed you're distant
and I'm not trying to hold you back.
I'm just left wishing, maybe you'd be consistent with me
and honestly you'd tell me
you'd tell me outright
tell me outright.
Yeah honestly you'd tell me if you wanted out right?
'cause it seems that way to me
-verse 2-
I'm at the front lines of heart versus mind
and I'm at war with what's best left behind
left behind
You're the last thing left that really feels like home to me
so I wave goodbye to my home for the last time
-chorus-
-bridge-
What are you holding on to?
oh, oh, oh, oh
Standing at the front lines
What are you holding on to?
oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm on the front lines
-chorus-
MUGSHOT - "Heart vs Mind"
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